Livin' A Lie
by Fenris242
Summary: Cuddy forces House to take Cameron out to Vegas for a seminar...House devises a little plan to have some fun...With his note deciphered, it's back to the evil planning...Wilson and Cameron devise an evil plan of there own...will House catch on?
1. Cryptic Much?

**A/N: This came to me the other day when I was listening to the radio. I know the whole Vegas Marriage thing has been done to death, and I hate to jump on a bandwagon, so I hope that my story stands out from the rest.**

**-Fen**

* * *

"But-" House started, but was immediately interrupted.

"No buts! You're going." Cuddy paused. "And to make sure that you actually do what you're supposed to, you'll be taking one member of your team. Though, it can't be Foreman. I'm sending him to St. Luke's Hospital in Pennsylvania." Cuddy explained. "So, it's your choice. Cameron or Chase?" Then, as if reading his mind, "Although you seem to think it, Wilson is not a member of your team."

"That should be a hard decision. Take the girl and have the entire weekend planned, down to when I'm able to take a piss or take the wombat and have the room to myself every night because he's too busy in the lobby with the newest bunny." House faked thinking about it. "Chase."

"Since you put it that way," Cuddy began. "You'll be taking Cameron. I think we might need Chase here." Cuddy went behind her desk and pulled an envelope out of one of the drawers. "Here's the itinerary for the weekend. Attendance is mandatory and you are to pay attention." Cuddy explained, making sure to pronunciate the last two words slowly.

* * *

That was how House's weekend from hell had started. Cuddy had sprung it on him days before, so he didn't even have enough time to come up with an excuse why he couldn't go. It was only once he was there that he thought she possibly had done that on purpose. Forcing him to take Cameron was his own doing. He knew if he thought out loud, she would see his point and not allow Chase to go. House didn't want it to seem obvious that he wanted to take Cameron. He wanted Cuddy to think she forced it on him. Instead, he forced it on himself.

Wilson had given him a half hour heads up on the trip and House used that time to lock all the doors to his office, play his iPod and devise a plan. There had to be something he could come up with in order to screw with them. Otherwise, there really was no reason for him to go out to Vegas for a seminar.

It was that plan that had him in his current position. House's plan was to get Cameron drunk, and have her pass out. That way he could slip a ring on her finger and his and make her think that they had gotten married. Upon their arrival back in Princeton, he would make sure to humiliate her as best as possible and in front of as many people as possible.

There was only one downfall to his plan. He never took into account the amount of liquor it would take to get Cameron drunk and that he would have to be drinking with her.

So that's how it happened.

He woke up in the room they were sharing. The hospital paid for the trip, but instead of paying for two separate rooms; they paid for one room that had two beds. He ran his hand through his hair, and it caught. He pulled his hand back to see a ring on his left index finger. It wasn't the same one that he had bought at the pawn store before leaving Princeton. It was different. Nicer.

He sat up and grabbed the orange bottle on the bedside table. Swallowing three of the pills, he looked over to see that Cameron was still asleep. She was facing him, and he looked at her hand. There were two rings on her finger. The outermost ring was the one that he had bought at the pawn store, and the innermost ring matched the one on his finger, only it was obviously made for a woman. It had more stones in it. He squinted to look at it better. He couldn't quite make it out.

He got up and grabbed his cane. Making his way over to the dresser, he saw a piece of paper. In red lipstick, it read _I heart U_. Then in plain black letters, that looked remarkably like his own, _No, I Love You_, were written. Trying to remember what had happened the night before House made his way to the bathroom. He figured a hot shower would help things. Besides, he was beginning to think that the plan worked.

He turned the water on, and stepped under the spray.

He was just about to turn it off, when Cameron barged into the bathroom. "What the hell is this?!" She shouted, holding the piece of paper up to the frosted glass shower doors.

House looked at it. It was the same piece of paper that he'd seen earlier. "I'm wounded. Really wounded." He said with mock sincerity. "I profess my love, and you don't even remember." He concluded.

Cameron looked confused. The she looked at the paper. It was backwards. "We're married." She said, turning the paper over.

House immediately tried to hide the smile that was forming on his face. Then he actually looked at the paper. "What the?" he said, turning the water off, and pushing the door open far enough that he could snatch the paper from her hands. This was definitely not the fake license he had bought. It was more ornate, and for lack of a better word, real.

House shushed Cameron out of the bathroom then dried himself off, and wrapped the towel around his waist. He walked out of the bathroom, and over to his bag. Grabbing the first thing he could, he pulled some clothes on, and turned to Cameron. He didn't know what to say. Obviously his plan had backfired, and there was no way he was going to tell her that. He didn't really get the chance though, since Cameron wasn't there. He looked around the room, and didn't see any of her stuff either. "Guess we're meeting at the airport." He said to himself, packing up his own things.

He picked his wallet up off the dresser and just as he was putting it in his pocket, a piece of paper fell out. He reached down and picked it up. He recognized the handwriting as his own, but what it said, he had no idea.

_th3 mrr2g8 lc2ns7 s2 1 fk4. 25C3 rnt5 mrrd7 t2 1Cllsn7._


	2. To Ask or Not to Ask

**A/N: So here's the next chapter…..There will be more "juicy goodness" in the next chapter……Please read and review..**

**-Fen**

* * *

House sat at his desk, in his office. It was the first day back since the Vegas seminar. He came in early. He hadn't planned it, though. He wanted to waltz in around his usual ten o'clock and let a small comment fly that would send Foreman and Chase for a loop. Then he would have disappeared into his office to let Cameron field their questions. That plan was ruined when he woke up at six in the morning and couldn't fall back asleep. His mind was spinning in circles.

Cameron hadn't said a single word their entire flight back from Vegas, and as soon as they got off the plane, she walked off, heading for her luggage, and took her own cab.

That was yesterday. House spent the entire night sitting in his living room, looking at a certain piece of paper. He'd filled a couple of pages of a notebook trying to crack the code he had left for himself. He'd gotten part of it. He knew it had to do with the marriage license and Cameron. Then, he got hungry and ordered dinner. When he sat back down to work on the puzzle again, the piano was calling his name, begging him to strokes its ivory keys. Once he was done playing every song he could think of and a couple that he wrote himself, he was too tired to sit and think, so he went to bed.

When he got up in the morning, he felt it was more sensible to eat breakfast first then to work on the puzzle of his own note. Since he didn't have any food in his house, he was forced to go to a diner to get something. He figured that since he was already up and out of his house, he'd just head into work.

That's how he got there. Sitting behind his desk, working on the puzzle yet again. With a fresh mind, it didn't take him long to figure out what it said. He just had to look at it. Using the words that he already knew (from assuming what they were based on the letters that were showing), he figured out the code that he wrote it in. It was simple actually, and he cursed at himself for not figuring it out right away. Then again, his mind never really stayed in one place for too long.

On the same paper, just below the code, House wrote what the note said. _The marriage license is a fake. You aren't married to Allison_. House sat there, with a smile on his face. With that information, the events of Saturday night came flushing back to him.

Cameron had requested that they go out for a drink. They didn't have a seminar to go to on Sunday, and the hotel room was paid through the night. Why not have a little fun? House remembered being surprised by that. Not that she had asked him to go out for a drink, but that she was actually going to break the rules of the itinerary to do it. Cuddy had specifically told both of them that they were representatives of the hospital and that they should act accordingly. House had laughed in her face, but he knew Cameron would take it more seriously.

He had agreed to go out for a drink or so, realizing it was the opening he was waiting for. He just didn't expect Cameron to give it to him on a silver platter. He grabbed the two rings he had bought at a pawn store and shoved them in his pocket when Cameron was getting ready in the bathroom.

They hopped from bar to bar, and eventually House threw the question into conversation, making a joke about it like only he could. Of course Cameron, in her inebriated state, didn't pick up on the fact that he was pushing her into it, and dared him to marry her. House, just as drunk as Cameron, took the dare, and that's the last that he could remember. Obviously they had bought different rings, and House had somehow remembered that he was only doing it to play with Cameron, but he still couldn't remember how he'd gotten the fake certificate. It wasn't the one he'd brought with. That was still in his bag.

"Oh well." He said with a shrug of his shoulders in the quiet and empty room. Then, doing his best impersonation of Mr. Burns from _The Simpsons_, he put his feet under his desk, rested his elbows on the desk, and drummed his fingers against each other, while putting an evil smirk across his face.

* * *

It was a short while later when he saw Cameron enter the conference room to the right of his office. Quickly ducking out of his office and onto the balcony, he hopped the barrier, like usual and entered Wilson's office without so much as a knock.

"You see, the whole concept of a door is to keep people out." Wilson said, without looking up from his desk. He had just sat down to fill out some paperwork on a patient, when House barged in.

"Or to keep people in." House said, tossing his own logic in. "In about five minutes, I need you to sow a seed or two."

"What are you up to?" Wilson asked. Not that he was against House's little games, but if he was going to be involved, he at least wanted to know what was going on. House tossed his piece of paper on the desk in front of Wilson. Wilson stared at it for a moment then looked up at his friend. House raised his left hand. Before Wilson could even ask, "Yes." House said, with a huge grin on his face. Wilson was about to say something else, when House continued his original line of thought, "Just ask her how the seminar and the weekend was. Make something up about Cuddy wanting to know or something. Doesn't really matter. She'll know I'm behind it, through a fit, and then, as I disappear into my _locked_ office, she will be berated with questions. Feel free to stay for that. And take notes." House said, then left as quickly as he came.

Wilson watched as he hopped over the barrier and entered his own office. Wilson assumed he went right into the conference room to setup Cameron for Wilson's question. The real question was whether or not he was going to play along.


	3. A New Scheme

Cameron shot Wilson the most evil glare she could make and stormed into House's office, locking the door behind her. She then proceeded to go around the room, pulling all the blinds and locking the other two doors.

"If you wanted some alone time with your husband, all you had to do was ask. No need to barge in." House said, still sitting at his desk with his feet propped up.

"I don't know what happened, but you need to understand that it is going to be undone. I have an appointment after work today with an attorney to get the divorce papers drawn up. So whatever game you were planning on playing, is not going to happen." Cameron yelled at her boss. She was livid. For two reasons. The first was because she had actually let whatever happened to happen, and the second was that House had gone and told Wilson. Not that she really expected anything different, because well, House tells Wilson everything, but he had to know that they would be getting a divorce. It was the only logical thing to do, and House always thought in logic.

"Well, from what I understand, " House started. He still hadn't moved from his position behind his desk. The only difference now was that he was tossing his tennis ball up in the air as he spoke to Cameron. "A divorce can be resolved in a matter of days. So it shouldn't be too long before you can change your name back to Cameron." That comment only pissed her off more. "But." House said, just as she was getting ready to leave his office. She turned to face him. What else could he have to say? "That is of course if both parties are in agreement."

Her face turned red in anger. "What do you mean?" She asked, her jaw clenched as the words came out.

"Well, if one of the parties doesn't agree to the terms of the divorce, it could be drawn for," House looked as though he was thinking. "Years." He said as if he had just come to the realization.

He thought it was impossible, but she had actually turned a darker shade of red. "If you think-"

"No actually, I know." House interrupted her.

Cameron turned and left the room in a huff.

"I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!" House yelled after her, before the door to his office closed. Cameron grabbed her purse and coat and left the conference room, and proceeded to leave the hospital. She had to get away from him.

* * *

"What the hell was that all about?" Foreman asked after Cameron left. He looked at Wilson for an answer. Chase was doing the same.

"It would seem as though House and Cameron visited a chapel while out in Las Vegas." He said, then turned and left the conference room as well.

He was halfway down the hall to his office when he actually looked up and saw Cameron standing at the elevator. It was then that a devilish thought entered his head. One that would pass as normal in House's mind, but completely evil in Wilson's.

He picked up his pace, and was able to throw an arm into the elevator doors to stop it from closing. "Cameron, can we talk?" Wilson asked, entering the elevator.

"Anything I say to you will just get right back to House. You can talk all you want, though." She replied, hitting the button for the ground floor.

"Just hear me out and then you can decide if you want to talk or not. Cause I think you will." Cameron nodded for him to continue. "The only reason I came in and asked you about your weekend was because House asked me to."

"Figures." Cameron responded.

"But what you don't know is why House wanted me to ask you. You see, I don't think he expected you to respond the way you did. You know how he is. He will do anything just to get a reaction out of someone. Well, what I'm thinking is maybe he needs to have the tables turned on him. If you play along with this whole thing, it'll throw him for a loop. He'll never see it coming."

"What do you get out it?" Cameron asked.

"I get the shear pleasure of knowing I'm the one who came up with the evil plan. Of course, I'll also be on the receiving end of House bitching and complaining, but if we play our cards right, the two of us could play him on both ends. He'll tell me what disturbing him the most and what he absolutely can't stand. I'll, of course, pass this information along to you so that you can continue to do said things. For once in his life, we'll actually be making him as miserable as he makes us." Wilson finished. He was waiting for her response, and he didn't have to wait long.

Cameron extended her hand, "Deal."


	4. Vette

Wilson dug a hand into the pocket of his lab coat. He pulled out his key ring and started fiddling with something on it. "Here." He said, finally getting what he wanted off the ring.

Cameron looked at his outstretched hand. "What do I need a key to your place for?" She asked.

Wilson looked at her incredulously. "It's not for my place. It's for his." He said, pushing her from the elevator as the doors opened. He couldn't risk House seeing them together. "I'm sure you can devise an evil scheme on your own with that." He said just before the doors shut.

Cameron looked around to make sure no one, especially House, had been in earshot, then made for the front doors of the hospital to leave.

As she made her way to her car, the conversation she had just shared with Wilson came rushing back at her. He was right, of course. It was an evil plan, but it was still a good plan. House was known for pulling pranks on everyone, including Cameron and Wilson. It was only fair for him to get it back. Besides, it could be fun. Wilson had given her the key to House's place. There were so many things she could do before she knew House would be home. Especially if she made a phone call to Wilson in order to stall House further. So many things.

The ideas were racing through Cameron's head. As she reached her car, she pulled out her cell phone. "Wilson. I'm gonna need some extra time. Think you can stall House a little tonight?" She asked, her evil scheme already unfolding in her mind. "Thanks. Make sure the two of you are coming out around eight. Front doors." She said, then snapped the phone shut.

She had a lot to get done in the few short hours before eight that night, and if she didn't start to hustle, she might not get it all done.

* * *

"People are gonna start to think things if we keep staying late like this." House said, as he walked out of the hospital with Wilson. Wilson held up his end of the deal and got House outside the hospital at exactly eight o'clock. He glanced around the parking lot, wondering what Cameron had up her sleeve, but didn't see her car anywhere in sight. "Waiting for someone?" House asked, noticing the other doctor's glances.

"Can't remember where I parked." Wilson lied.

"You have an assigned spot." House pointed out.

Before Wilson could respond, both doctors heard a very familiar sound. More familiar to House than to Wilson. "What the?" House said as he turned his head to his 'Vette moving toward them. "What are you doing? How'd you get the keys? What are you doing?" House stuttered as he spoke to the driver of the vehicle, that was now idling in front of the two doctors.

"I thought it would be nice if I picked you up from work. Besides, it's kinda cold for you to ride your bike home. I wouldn't want my husband to catch a cold." Cameron said, in the best wifely tone she could make. When House didn't move, she continued, "Well, you getting in?" She turned her attention to Wilson. "You need a ride, too?" She asked, winking when House wasn't looking.

"No thanks. I'm fine." Wilson said, a smile on his face as he waved bye and walked to his car.

"You still didn't answer my question." House said as he got in the passenger seat of the car.

Cameron ignored him, and pulled out of the parking lot. "Since you didn't come home earlier, I didn't start a dinner. You wanna stop and pick something up on the way?" She asked.

House looked at her. "Where's Cameron?" He asked, wondering who had replaced the immunologist with this ever-cheerful clone. Cameron loved babies, and bunnies and everything fuzzy and warm, but he knew she wasn't this fraudulently cheerful.

"I'm right here, silly." Cameron said, leaning over and pecking him on the cheek as she continued to drive.

* * *

She parked the car outside House's place, and got out. She had the front door unlocked and open by the time House got out of the car and limped to the door.

House walked into his place, and nearing fell over in shock. It was clean. Really clean. Eat off the floor clean. He didn't like it. He immediately noticed picture frames that had been added to the mantle and some of the tables. People he didn't know and never met were inside them. He made for the bathroom. That was a bad mistake. He opened the door and was assaulted by the powerful smell of vanilla. "What's that?" He whispered to himself as he entered the room.

He noticed the candle sitting on the sink. She must have had it burning and blew it out before she left. "Wait." He said out loud. "Before she left?" The questions began to race through his head. He knew the only way she would have been able to get the keys to his 'Vette was if she was in his place. It's not like he concealed the spare set of keys. They were hanging on a hook in the kitchen. He knew she had been there because of the pictures and some of the knick knacks that were now in his living room, along with the fact that the place was cleaner than he normally left it. A lot cleaner. But it wasn't until he went into the bathroom that it had actually registered that she had been there.

What was she doing there? Why was she there? How did she get in?

He answered that last one in his mind. He assumed it was his own fault. He had taught his team how to break into the homes of patients. Why not extend that to their boss? The question he really wanted the answer to, was why was she there?

He knew he hadn't said the question aloud, but it must have been plastered on his face when he walked back out to the living room. "You said you didn't want a divorce. Since we're married, we might as well live together." She said. "I rearranged the closet and drawers in your bedroom a little to make room for some of my stuff. I hope you don't mind." She looked at the clock. It was pushing nine. She wasn't tired, but she also didn't want to be alone in the same room as House for too long. She couldn't afford to let something slip. It was going to take her a day or two to get the hang of this. Then she would be able to be alone with him. "I'm a little tired. Moving and all. I think I'm gonna check my email and then hit the hay." She grabbed her laptop and walked down the hall to the bedroom.

She left the door open, and tossed the laptop on the bed as she got undressed and put PJs on.

House thought about following her in, but at the last minute decided not to. He sat down, and flipped the TV on.


	5. Coffee and a Donut

**A/N: since i finished a planned delay...i figured it was time to work on my other fics...so here we go...i do apologize for not updating this sooner...i just wanted to get back to having no more than two fics going at one time...also, lind126 and i have been working on a website...the very rough version is up finally...the fics aren't there yet...but you can find her lovely wallpapers...we're also taking requests for wallpapers and challenges for fics...just click on the hompage link in my profile...make sure to let us know what you think...enough of my self promo...here's what you all came for... **

**-Fen **

* * *

It had been a couple of days since Cameron "moved in" to House's place. In those days she took the liberty to rearrange a couple things. The kitchen cabinets, the bathroom cabinet, the hall closet, all of the drawers in House's dresser as well as the closet. She also rearranged the books on the bookcase, by genre _and_ title. She also took it upon herself to reprogram House's Tivo in order to record the shows she wanted to watch and deleted all the shows House had programmed.

House had become noticeably more miserable as those days went by. Every time he wanted something in his home, he had to ask Cameron where it was.

He walked into PPTH and made his way to his office. He was early. Really early. It was only six in the morning. He couldn't sleep any longer. His room stank of jasmine and lavender, and the bed sheets were too soft. The only reason he was actually interested in staying was the fact that Cameron was half naked lying next to him. But the smell was just too much and he had to get out. So the next logical place to go was a bar. But seeing as most bars had just closed three hours prior, he got dressed and rode to work.

He was sitting at his desk. His feet were propped up, and his earphones were in as he listened to something loud and angry. He hadn't heard the door behind him open and with his eyes closed, he hadn't noticed the body that was now standing on the other side of the desk.

The song changed, and he opened his eyes for a moment. He did a double take and pulled the earphones out, then turned off the iPod. "What? How?" He stumbled over the words, as he tried to figure out how the person had gotten into his office, since the doors to the hall and conference room were locked.

"You're not the only one that knows how to hop over a cement median." Wilson said, gesturing to the balcony door. "You look horrible." He commented on House's appearance. He hadn't expected the plan to start working so quickly. But then, he hadn't planned on Cameron being as assertive, either.

"Take Cameron for week. Then we'll see how you look."

"Married life not treating you well?" Wilson asked.

"About as good as it treats you." House replied. He wasn't in the mood to be analyzed and he knew very well that's what Wilson wanted to do. It's what he always did, whether he knew it or not.

"Ouch." Wilson replied. He was being too cheerful. He needed to tone it down a notch. "Seriously, anything you'd like to talk about?" He wanted to prod, but if he did, House would know something was up.

"No." House replied, grabbing the earphones, and getting ready to put them back in his ears.

"I just thought, with my experience, I might be able to help you out." Wilson said, as he headed for the door.

"Wait." House said, just as the door was about to close behind Wilson. Wilson quickly reentered the room. "Why are you so interested?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Wilson asked.

"Why are you avoiding my question?" House asked back.

"House, I always avoid your questions." He replied.

"No." House said. "You avoid my questions when I'm asking about your personal life." He corrected. "So, why are you so interested?"

"You're my friend. You don't look good. I was concerned."

"Or?" House prodded. He knew there was more to the story, he just couldn't put all the pieces together.

"Or…nothing." Wilson replied, taking the opportunity to end the conversation before House figured out just what was going on.

* * *

House walked into the conference room as his remaining two employees arrived. Cameron already made the coffee and was sitting at her desk, sorting her email when Foreman and Chase entered the conference room together. Cuddy was shortly behind them. "Since you don't have any cases, I've taken the liberty of finding one for you." Cuddy said, handing a folder to House. "I do expect your clinic hours to be done as well." She said, then left the room.

House started to flip through the file while Foreman and Chase removed their coats and grabbed coffee. "Here, honey." Cameron said, handing House a mug of coffee and donut. "You left so early this morning, you didn't get a chance to eat." She said, then took a seat at the table with her colleagues.

House looked at the donut strangely. He still wasn't used to this whole married thing. It still felt weird. He didn't think that feeling would ever go away. The quasi relationship that he had been sharing with Cameron to past couple of days was odd. They worked together somewhat normal. Cameron did a couple extra things that she didn't do before. Like the donut or leaving little notes on his computer or desk. House chalked her newfound interest in the marriage disconcerting. He knew she couldn't just want to be married to him as suddenly as she had made the decision. There had to be something behind it. He just couldn't place his finger on it.

Chase and Foreman were watching House. They could tell he was thinking about something. He'd had the same look on his face for the past couple of days. But there was something different this time. He was standing there. File in one hand, coffee and donut in the other. Cameron had taken his cane and leaned it against the table just in front of him.

Then out of nowhere, House dropped the file on the desk, mumbled something about running the standard tests and getting a patient history, before he disappeared into his office.

He immediately walked out onto his balcony. He peered across into Wilson's office. A smile formed on his face. "There's only one way Cameron got into my place, and she didn't break in." He paused. "If that's how you want to play it…then so be it." House said, starting to devise an evil scheme of his own. Suddenly his recent miserable-ness disappeared and the evil, snarky House returned.


	6. No Ride Tonight?

**A/N: since i've received many a response in regards to my jumping ahead and having that blamed on the fact that i haven't updated in awhile...i wanted to set things straight...i actually had the first half of the last chapter written for a long time...i actually started on it right after posting the previous chapter...there's a little more explanation in this chapter...i do apologize for the shortness, but hey..at least i posted, right?**

** -Fen**

* * *

House worked late that night. He wanted to give Cameron time to get home and settled. In the meantime, he sat in his dark office, waiting for the light in Wilson's office to turn off. He knew Wilson was staying later that night as well. He had mentioned something about a new patient, getting a history, and working up their chart.

House caught a glimpse of Wilson walking around the desk in his office. House leaned further towards the balcony, to the point where he almost fell off the chair. Realizing that Wilson was getting ready to leave, he quickly grabbed his own things, and made for the door.

House patiently waited outside Wilson's office, waiting for the doorknob to turn. He heard the light switch and then the knob started turning. Just as Wilson exited his office, House started walking as quickly as he could and walked right into Wilson.

"What the?" Wilson said as his files fell to the ground. "House?" Wilson asked, looking at his friend, then at the ground at the files that were now spread all over.

"What? You're the one who ran into me!" House said, leaning to pick up his book bag. He grabbed some of Wilson's files while he was at it. As Wilson stood, House handed him the other files.

"Thanks." Wilson said, looking at House oddly. "What are you doing here this late? Trouble at home?" Wilson asked, trying to milk some information from his friend. He had yet to get anything to give to Cameron in regards to House.

"Why are you so interested?" House asked, reiterating his statement from earlier that day. A grin was plastered on his face as he turned towards the elevators.

"Why can't you just answer the question?" Wilson asked, getting frustrated with House's response.

"I asked you first." House said, turning after he pressed the button to call the elevator.

"I think I've already explained that."

"No, you made some cockamamie excuse. There's a difference." The elevator door opened and both doctors got on the empty elevator.

Standing in silence, House couldn't hide the smile on his face. Wilson was about to comment on it when the doors opened and House limped out.

The two exited the hospital and Wilson looked around. "What? No ride today?" He asked.

"It must not be cold enough out for her to worry tonight." House replied, walking to his bike and swinging his leg over the body of it.

Before Wilson could get another comment in, House was already speeding off in the direction of his home. "I wonder what his hurry is." Wilson pondered as he walked to his own vehicle.

* * *

House pulled up outside his place and parked his bike. After grabbing his cane, he walked up to the door. He carefully listened to hear if there was any noise coming from inside. Nothing. He put his key in the lock and opened the door. The living room was dark except for a small light that Cameron left lit for him. House hung his cane on the molding above the door, and dropped his bag on the floor. After taking his coat off and tossing it on the couch, he walked over to the small table where the light was. Cameron had left a note.

Didn't realize you were staying late tonight. I made something to eat. There are leftovers in the fridge.

House smiled as he read the note. Even though the marriage was a sham, he could get used to it. Well, except for the sleeping on his lumpy couch. Which he had started since Cameron moved in. But that was all going to change tonight.

At first, he thought she was actually going interested in seeing where the marriage would go. Afterall, she had been pining for him for over three years now. So it was kinda what he thought she would have wanted. It was nice that his place was always clean, and that the kitchen was stocked with food. Even if he couldn't find half of it after she rearranged all the cabinets. The two of them weren't home very often at the same time. House had opted to work later than usual the past couple nights.

Tonight, he at least had the excuse of a new patient to give. Even though, they had pretty much diagnosed the patient after a couple of tests and eliminating all the other possible causes. As time went by, he often found himself impressed with how well his team worked together.

House grabbed a clean rock glass from the drying rack next to the sink and half filled the glass with Walker Black Label. He drank half the contents with his first gulp, and set the glass down on the counter. He grabbed the almost empty Vicodin bottle from his pocket and popped one in his mouth. He took another swig of the drink and carried the glass with him into the living room. He sat down on the couch, ready to watch a little TV before falling asleep.

He sat down, but never reached for the remote. A noise down the hall stopped him. At first he thought Cameron was getting up, but then realized she was just moving in the bed. _His_ bed. The bed he decided he was going to reclaim tonight.

Finishing the rest of the amber liquid, he rose from his seat, and started down the hall. "Come out. Come out. Wherever you are." He whispered as he reached the door to his bedroom, and pushed it open.


	7. Run to the Boy Wonder

**A/N: sorry there has been a lack of updating lately…..i'm just hitting a major block, and have actually been enjoying a couple stories so much that I'm reading instead of writing….i know it's short, but I'm hoping to get more out soon….as soon as the evil plot bunnies decide to come back……**

**-Fen**

* * *

House snuck into his bedroom. Moonlight was coming in through the open window. It was hitting the bed just right and little prisms of light were reflecting on the walls from the ring on Cameron's hand. House smiled when he realized that she hadn't taken the rings off. He hadn't taken notice to it before now. He absentmindedly played with the ring on his own finger as he made his way toward the bed. He was being as quiet as he could. He even left his cane in the living room to make a quieter journey.

Contemplating exactly how he wanted to make his entrance to bed, he stood in front of it, thinking. Then it came to him. He moved closer to the bed to make his actions easier. As soon as he was close enough, he turned with his back to the bed and pushing off with his good leg, he jumped slightly into the air, and fell down onto his side of the bed, hard. He put his hands behind his head, and stretched his legs out as he crossed them.

In the meantime, Cameron had nearly jumped high enough to touch the ceiling. She turned and glared at House. "What?" He asked.

"What are you doing?" She asked, still glaring.

"Going to sleep." He replied, stating the obvious.

"But why are you in here?" Cameron asked. He had been sleeping on the couch since she moved in.

"Uhh…we're married. I think we're supposed to sleep in the same bed. Well unless you snore. Then you get to sleep on the couch. Can't risk my beauty sleep." House said, not moving his body, but he had turned his head to face her.

She looked at him slightly confused. She couldn't argue. She had come in and taken over his house. But he was supposed to be miserable about it. He wasn't supposed to be waking her up in the middle of the night as he fell into bed. Cameron rolled over and ignored House. She would just have to come up with something to trump him.

Cameron curled herself up with her back to House and began to fall back asleep.

House lay still for about ten minutes. That was when he heard Cameron's breathing become even. She was just falling back asleep. "And now for part two." He said to himself with a smile plastered to his face. He rolled his body over so he was facing Cameron. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her closer to him, spooning her. He felt her breath catch immediately, and quickly closed his eyes and slowed his own breathing. He was trying so hard to hold his laughter from her reaction. She squirmed against him, and House's grip only tightened. He even let out a short fake snore to really make her think that he was totally asleep.

Cameron still squirmed against him slightly, but realized it was a losing battle. She snuggled slightly getting comfortable, then fell asleep.

House lay there awake with his arms around Cameron. He had anticipated her struggling a little more. He didn't think she would give up so easily. It wasn't long before he too was fast asleep.

* * *

Cameron woke up the next morning to find that they hadn't moved their positions. House was still lying behind her with his arms wrapped around her. As careful as she could, she worked her way out from his grasp. She was beginning to doubt whether or not this was a good idea. He wasn't supposed to play along with the idea. It had started out well, but now. Well now, it seemed as though he might possibly be enjoying it. Cameron grabbed a change of clothes, and headed for the bathroom.

House remained in the bed. He peaked an eye open once he was sure the coast was clear. "Go ahead. Run to the Boy Wonder. What evil plan will you two come up with this time?" House whispered, but quickly closed his eye again when he heard Cameron returning to the bedroom to retrieve the shoes she forgot.


	8. saint

**A/N: sorry its been so long since i updated, but as i said before i've had a major writers block on this fic...that along with the fact that i had a fever for most of last week and i had to put down my baby girl, Teqila...i just haven't been in the mood to really write...i had some family crap that had to be dealt with this weekend..so when i was in the mood to write i was too busy anyway...hope you guys enjoy this...it just popped into my head this afternoon...let me know what you guys think...**

** -Fen**

* * *

House sat on his couch, watching TV. It was his scheduled day off and he was just waiting for the phone call from Cuddy asking him to come because the clinic was flooded or because they had a new patient. Granted, he didn't plan on answering the phone when she called, but that didn't mean he couldn't sit there anticipating the call. Did it? 

In the back of his mind, he was wondering what Cameron and Wilson were going to come up with. Or if they were going to come up with anything at all. After telling Wilson what House had done, House knew Wilson would assume House was catching on to what was going on. But would he think House had figured everything out? That he even knew that Wilson was in on the prank? House couldn't be sure, but figured it didn't really matter.

It was just after lunch time, when he heard a strange noise in hall. Then a key being put into the lock on his front door. The next thing he knew the door was flung open and two small bodies were running through the rooms. "What the-"

House didn't get a chance to finish his statement as Cameron interrupted him with the answer. "My old neighbor called and asked if I could watch her kids for a couple hours. Her mom usually watches them, but she's on a vacation in the Bahamas. Ceara didn't think she'd need anyone to watch them today, but she just got called for a job interview. I told her it would be fine. I figured since you were home anyway, you could watch them. They'll pretty much play with each other and all you have to do is feed them." Cameron paused, and called the kids over. "Alyssa, Alex, this is Greg."

"House." House corrected.

Cameron rolled her eyes. "He's gonna watch you guys for a little bit. You two be good. Okay?" The fraternal twins – boy and girl – nodded their heads. Cameron looked at House one last time before leaving and said, "Behave."

The twin kids, who were already off playing, replied, "We will."

Cameron looked at House and said, "I wasn't talking to them."

It was House's turn to roll his eyes.

* * *

"Yeah. They'll be fine….I'm sure….What could he possibly do? They're kids….It's only a couple of hours…He'll be fine." Cameron said into her phone, before snapping it shut. 

She called Wilson as soon as she was safely in her car. She had planned on going right to Wilson that morning and telling him what House did, but then on her way to work, a plan just jumped into her head. What better a way to torture House then to leave him to care for two five-year-olds?

* * *

Cameron stood outside the door to House's place. She was both worried and anxious to open the door. Worried, because she didn't know what House could have done to the two kids and anxious because she didn't know what the two kids could have done to House. 

She hesitated on the knob but only for a second. The sound of laughter from the other side of the door, trumped both feelings and caused her to be curious as to what was going on. She opened the door to find House sitting on the couch with the two kids sitting across from him on the coffee table. They were laughing uncontrollably. At first Cameron thought House fell asleep and the kids had played some horrible prank on him. But that was squashed when she figured that House would have heard their laughing and woken up.

The two kids spotted Cameron and immediately tried to hold their laughter in. "What's going on?" Cameron asked, unable to take the suspense any more.

"Just watching some SpongeBob." House replied, motioning toward the TV.

"Hi, Ally." Alex said, shortly echoed by his sister.

"Hi." Cameron replied. "What did you do to them?" Cameron asked House.

"We listened to music, played a couple games, and-" House was interrupted by the little girl, Alyssa.

"He was teaching us the words."

"Words? To what?" Cameron asked.

"The songs." Alex replied.

"What songs?" Cameron asked, fearing the answer.

"(s)aint." House said.

"What are the words?" Cameron asked.

Alex turned around and started the lyrics, "I got an F and a C and I got a K too."

"And the only things that's missing is a bitch like U." Alyssa finished the line as the two children turned back to the TV.

Cameron turned to House, a look of rage on her face. How dare he teach them such lyrics?

"What? I behaved. I could have duct taped them to the ceiling." House replied.


	9. Did She Marry House or Wilson?

Cameron couldn't believe that House was actually capable of stooping so low as to teach Alex and Alyssa the lewd lyrics to a song she had never thought House would know the words to. Granted, in House's twisted mind, she assumed he figured it was her fault. Of course she should have known not to drop off two young children in his care and not expect him to tarnish their minds. Of course. It really was her fault. But the real question was, what was she going to tell her old neighbor when she dropped off the children and vulgar words spilled from their young mouths? She still didn't know the answer to that question, but she was thinking that maybe House should have to drop them off, or at least go with her to drop them off and he'd have to explain. "Yeah, like he'd do that?" She thought to herself.

These thoughts all raced through her head in a matter of seconds, as she still stood in front of House after he claimed it could have been worse. But would duct taping the children to the ceiling really have been worse? Cameron couldn't decide. She looked straight into House's eyes, with a stern look on her own face. "I refuse to yell in front of children. I'm going to take them home now." She turned and instructed the children to get ready to go. She turned back around to House as the children were busy putting on their shoes. "This is far from over." She said, pointing from him to her and then back. She escorted the children to the door and slammed it shut as they exited.

"You did what?!" House had to pull the phone away from his ear in order to prevent his eardrum from exploding. He had called Wilson the moment Cameron left and filled him in on the newest juice.

House laughed loudly, then calmed himself down in order to continue his conversation with Wilson. He knew anything he said to Wilson would get back to Cameron, and he needed to play his cards right if he was going to call their bluff. "I put on the Marilyn Manson CD, and flipped to the—"

"I understand what you did. I just—" Wilson interrupted, but was then interrupted as well.

"Well, if you understood, why did you ask what I did?" House asked, with his usual snark.

"I just can't believe you'd do something like that. They're kids!" Wilson was quite agitated.

"Kids that she dumped on me. How could she possibly expect me not to twist their little minds? It's what I do best." House replied.

"Maybe she thought that you would help her since you're married now." Wilson retorted.

"Give it up! You know it's fake!" House said, trying to get Wilson to slip up and say that Cameron knew too.

Wilson opened his mouth on the other end of the phone to say something, but stopped himself, realizing what he was going to say. "I know. But she doesn't!" He replied.

"Well played." House thought to himself.

"She should expect her 'husband' to do something nice for her, and actually care when he's asked to perform a favor." Wilson finished.

"I'm confused. Does she think she's married to me or you?" House said. "After three years and some odd months and days, she should know better than to think I'd actually think of someone else."

"You're impossible." Wilson replied, and hung up. He promptly dialed Cameron's phone and filled her in the conversation and House's state of mind.

House was sitting on the piano bench in his living room when he heard the outside door open and then the knob on his front door turning. He prepared himself for the verbal onslaught he was about to get in only a way House could. As soon as Cameron was inside the room, he began to hum a solitary note in his head. Ignoring half the words that were flying out of her mouth at a painstaking rate. She was about half way through her berating him, when he realized that she was truly pissed off. He definitely ruffled more than a couple feathers with his antics earlier that day.

"How could you possibly think it was a good idea?" She asked, finishing her anger filled rant.

"I never said it was a good idea." House replied.

"Then why would you do it?" She returned.

"How long have you know me? Five minutes?" House asked, getting agitated himself. "How could you think that I wouldn't do something like that?" He fired back.

"I thought maybe, just maybe, you would actually help me out. Since we _are_ married!" Cameron yelled, not even realizing that she was bringing up the same argument that House had earlier with Wilson. She wasn't angry because he didn't do a husbandly thing and _just watch_ the children. She was angry because she trusted him to watch two five-year-olds and how couldhe decided to use his time to corrupt their young minds.

"And again! Did you marry _me_ or _Wilson_?" House yelled back.

Cameron's mouth opened but nothing came out. Her mind was moving faster than her mouth. In this case, that was a good thing, because the next thing out of her mouth was, "Again?!" She'd never had this argument with House before. Even though Wilson had called her and told her what House had said, she wasn't the one in the actual argument. Therefore, she should have been surprised by the comment.

"Shit." House said mentally. He was supposed to be roping her in, not the other way around. In normal House fashion, instead of answering the question, he avoided. "Answer the question." He instructed.

Cameron stared at House. What was she supposed to say? He already knew the answer, and technically it was neither. But she couldn't say that. "I know all too well which one I married. And it was the biggest mistake of my life!" She spat as harshly as she could, and stormed out of the living room, towards the bedroom.

"Shit." House said, this time out loud. As quickly as he could, he got up and cursed that he hadn't carried his cane over to the piano. Instead of hopping over to retrieve his cane, he ignored the pain in his leg, and made for the hallway to his bedroom.

He walked into the room to find Cameron grabbing her clothes from the drawers and closet and throwing them into her suitcase. He strode over to her as best and quickly as he could, and grabbed her from behind by the arms. Twisting her around, he didn't give her a chance to protest. He yanked her lips to his and forced his way into her mouth. It was their first kiss.

She struggled at first, but let her anger get swept away by his tongue.

It was over all too quickly as House's hands traveled down her arms and pulled the garments that were still clenched in her fists. He pulled away from her bruised lips and flushed face while saying, "I'm sorry." He limped over to the dresser with her clothes still in his hands. He placed them back in the drawer and left the room without turning back. As he walked out, he closed the door behind him.

Cameron stood bewildered, and unable to move. She watched as he closed the door as he left, giving her privacy to put her things back where they _belonged_.

As House made his way back out to the living room, he thought to himself, "I haven't even gotten my chance to play. I can't have her angry and leaving…yet." A small rumbled emitted from his belly as he sat back down on the piano bench and began to play a soft melody that flowed from his mind to his fingertips.


End file.
